This story is part of the Love Life. Om. Survivor Story Series. All names and personal identifiers have been removed and/or edited. If you’d like your story published, complete the Survivor Story Series Submission Form.

This story is about me and my partner of 20 years and how his affair with a narcissistic sociopath is destroying both of us. I am sharing my story in hopes it will help me heal. Although, I am grateful I was able to identify her as a narcissistic sociopath and to recognize both of us are her victims, I need more help, more answers, more support.

Before the affair, our relationship was beautiful; our love was strong, kind, honest and loyal. But most of all, we were happy.

They met at work; they worked together. I didn’t find out about their relationships until two years into it. By the third year, he left me.

All the typical narcissistic sociopath behaviors, manipulative tactics, and warning signs were there from the beginning. During the first year before I knew about them, he tried to end the affair, but she wouldn’t let him. Instead, she picked up a sledge hammer and struck him across the knee. To control him into continuing their affair, she played into his fears and threatened to contact me every time he tried ending it. If he ignored her repeated calls and texts, she sent someone over to our home to secretly give him a messages. And when all else failed, she came and knocked on our door herself!

Since I found out about the affair, she’s become more aggressive with her control and manipulations. Despite my partner’s many attempts to end the relationship, their relationship continues, and I fear it will never end.

No matter how hard he tries to end it, she won’t let him. She uses extreme seduction to keep him coming back to her and tells him he’s confused and wrong about everything and that she can help him understand why. It’s incessant. She leaves notes on his car and knocks on our door pleading with him. He’s weak to her seductions. More importantly, his confusion and mental fatigue make him too tired to fight and defend himself against her skillful and strategic attacks.

She simply won’t let it end.

And he’s suffering. Confusion. Stress. No Energy. Cognitive dissonance. Fatigue. He was also diagnosed with blood clots in the superficial veins of his left leg.

He’s so drained and tired. When he sits down to read or watch TV or make a phone call he falls asleep within seconds, not minutes.

I’m suffering, too, emotionally and mentally. The skin of my lower legs is severely irritated, and I go from feeling cold one minute to feeling numb the next without explanation.

Hopefully, hidden behind all the chaos and confusion are lessons. But I can’t see them today. I want to save him, to save us, before it’s too late. Time seems to be running out quickly.

If you have advice or direct experience with this type of relationship dynamic, share your comments and support below. “Beth” appreciates your feedback and any gracious advice you’re open to offering her.

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Paula Reeves-Carrasquillo

Mindfulness Coach at Love. Life. Om. Mindfulness
Paula is a passionate and innovative author, educator, and mindfulness coach.
Paula Reeves-Carrasquillo
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