This story is part of the Love Life. Om. Survivor Story Series. All names and personal identifiers have been removed and/or edited. If you’d like your story published, complete the Survivor Story Series Submission Form.
Before I met him, my life was going smoothly. I had a job, a house, and my car was paid off. My emotional state and spirit were also good. Sometimes I lacked in self-esteem and experienced spiritual imbalances. During these times, I’d regain balance by listening to Joel Osteen, which always revived me and gave me the power to move on.
I met him on a dating site. It was my first time on dating sites. When I noticed his profile picture, I liked him and wanted to know him better. So I contacted him, along with three other men I found attractive. But he was the most charming. He and I started talking, and in just days we realized we were spending 2 to 4 hours daily talking together. He had a very nice voice; it literally touched my heart.
We lived 4000 miles apart in different regions of Canada.Three months after we started chatting, he visited me. After the first meeting, he flew to see me every weekend. Two months in, he visited for a week. A month after that, he stayed with me for two weeks. Soon after, he made proposals and gave me a ring. Initially, he told me he was divorced. As our relationship progressed, he confessed he was still married but had been separated for three years. He assured me his divorce would be final soon.
Seven months into the relationship, we traveled outside of Canada where he arranged for our religious marriage ceremony. I don’t know what he told the priest, but he told me that by the time we returned to Canada, his divorce would be final.
When we returned to Canada, I was excited to start our lives together. But two weeks later, he proved to be a different man.
He was critical and used a totally different tone of voice and attitude. Yet, on occasion, he was very charming and used convincing words to win me over. This behavior always took me by surprise, and he often used moments when I was surrounded by family to be most affectionate and persuade me into agreeing to do things I normally would never have agreed to do. In front of my family, he assured me I’d never have to worry about money, because as a doctor, he would provide for me.
Instead, he scammed me and my family for his own benefit.
With my family present, he insisted I purchase a new, larger home with him. I wasn’t convinced it was the right time nor did I want such big house. But, again, he used my family to get what he wanted by saying it’s better to live big than think poor. After he managed to put the house and the mortgage on my shoulders, he asked my family for a short-term loan so he could finalize his divorce papers and promised to reimburse them.
He put me in so much debt. In addition to the money I invested for the down payment on the large home, he forced me to sell my car and buy a new expensive luxury car. Yet he made me abandon my job, resulting in the loss of my personal income.
Slowly, I learned he had only started the divorce process. I also discovered he’d been married before and abandoned his daughter from his first marriage and also abandoned his daughter from his second marriage!
I started to ask him more questions and voice my opinion. I asked him to sign a cohabitation agreement, which included my own conditions. The more I uncovered about him, the more my concern grew.
He refused to reimburse my family, and the more I expressed my concern over this matter, the more he verbally abused me by calling me crazy and mentally sick.
He totally controlled my time and called me 20 times a day, at least, asking me what I was doing. He was highly demanding and had unrealistic expectations. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere by myself, only when and where he allowed me to go. I wasn’t freely allowed to participate in activities, only activities he approved. I had to clean the house, take his clothes to the dry cleaners, and strictly obey and follow his demands.
He called me an ordinary whore and prostitute. On several occasions, he tightly held and restricted my arms and hands and pushed me into the wall calling me a whore. He threatened me on all kinds of levels and in all kinds of ways.
Despite his mistreatment of me, I worked hard to reconnect him with his daughter whom he had not seen in 10 years. When she visited us, he put me down in front of her. I cried and suffered so much.
Being a doctor, he infused my mind with lies and told me I was mentally sick and needed treatment. He told me I must accept my sickness and let him medicate me. I refused to accept it, and he medicated me against my will. When my family found out, they helped me regain my trust and go to the police to report him.
Somehow, I was able to divorce him and recover my family’s money, 80% of my money, transfer the house and the mortgage back to him, and return to my original home.
I contacted his first and second wives and discovered he grossly mistreated and abused them too. He hit them, called them and his daughter whores, and was involved in numerous sexual affairs while married to them. He financially bankrupted us all and convinced us we wouldn’t be able to take him to court with no money. He’s still married to his second wife and continues to scam and defraud her by claiming he has no money despite making $800,000 annually according to Canada Revenue Agency records.
It’s been a year since I ended the relationship. I still suffer from his abuse. I reported him to the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Canada for his abuse against me and for medicating me without my consent. He also infected me with a sexually transmitted disease and exposed me to other viruses. I suffer from depression and anxiety and am often triggered and “taken back” to moments when he physically abused and emotionally tormented me.
Unfortunately, the College of Surgeons and Physicians only considers the “medication of a spouse” issue to be of importance. Nothing else matters to them. I’m shocked.
His conduct is grotesque. He’s cruel and inhumane.
Once, he left me in the middle of Manhattan without a cent in my pocket, no passport, ID, or map. For three hours, I frantically walked the streets in search of our hotel, asking strangers along the way for directions.
On another occasion, he asked me to drive 300 km in the middle of winter at -35c, hungry, and without a driver’s license or money for food.
He often threatened me and told me he’d lock me out of the house (the house I was responsible for paying the mortgage on) if I didn’t obey his demands, leaving me with no money for food or a place to sleep.
He told me I was digging my own grave when I didn’t listen to and follow his commands.
He told me he had an affair once, and the girl died three months after he ended the relation with her.
He told me he knows how to kill a person.
He told me if I report him, he will follow me and admitted he hired private detectives to follow his wife and daughter in the past.
He started a relationship with another woman while married to me and is still with her.
He’s a bigamist, which is a crime in Canada, a fraud, gave me an STD, and illegally medicated me against my will. How can a doctor with such a character still be allowed to practice? Most of his colleagues at the clinic agree he’s a narcissistic psychopath, but no one is willing to question or report his behavior.
I’m devastated. I’ve lost all trust in a men, in others, and in myself.