Maybe I’ve been spending too much time with monks or watching too many films about the Dalai Lama. I’m not sure. What I’m certain of is this:
There IS a non-violent “weapon” to use to combat domestic violence in our society. It’s called LOVING KINDNESS.
I’m NOT SUGGESTING we embrace abusers. I’m suggesting we embrace each other, all things non-abusive, all things AUTHENTIC and GENUINE, and leave the abusers gasping for air. After all, without a direct line to our energy and support, abusers lack fuel for their evil and destructive deeds.
It’s time to divert our energy supply. It’s time to stop the endless cycle of giving away our power to the evil doers.
How do we give away our power? We give away our power when:
- We’re afraid to act on our own desires because of what the abuser MIGHT do to us.
- When we worry people will think we’re CRAZY if we share our story.
- When we give into frustration, hopelessness, and the belief nothing will get better.
- When we seek revenge at any cost for weeks, months, and years on end.
- When we insist on suffering in the name of INJUSTICE long after the abuser’s last blow.
I met a former monk this past weekend. He’s 82. He found me online last week, emailed me, and invited me, along with a few others, to Wat Thai Buddhist temple near D.C. to celebrate the 92nd birthday of one of its abbots. The celebration was outside. We sat at a picnic table under a canopy of oaks trees and ate Thai food and talked for hours. Many of his words and insights sounded familiar. It’s as if he knew my thoughts, reciting ideas and conclusions I’d left unattended swirling inside my brain.
Through him, my inner voice had become an outer voice, encouraging and leading me to adopt and implement that which seemed too impossible to believe could REALLY work.
“Turn everything into a positive. Speak to yourself and those you love in the positive. Think positive. Think you can. That’s how we can bring more peace to the world. For us; for others.”
– Arry, meditation guide and former monk
It’s as if this former monk were placed on my path to provide the validation I’d subconsciously been seeking to propel me forward with my CRAZY ideas about winning the battle against abusers, narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths and all causes of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, and FRAUD. His words were my cue to stop ignoring the voice in my head that’s been stuck on “repeat” for quite some time:
“Kill ’em with kindness, Paula – LOVING KINDNESS.”
We hear this frequently in the context of BE KIND TO THE MEAN PEOPLE. Kindness supposedly disarms mean people. Well, I’m not a proponent of THAT approach. I think that approach fuels mean people to be, well, MEANER and NASTIER.
From my experience and understanding, IGNORING and DISMISSING mean and evil people is the best way to disarm them. When we completely DETACH from mean and evil people in our thoughts, words, and deeds, we starve the mean people of their POWER TO HARM us. They wither up and die. They leave our hologram.
So instead of giving mean and evil people ANY of our energy, including KINDNESS and ANGER, we must spread LOVING KINDNESS to our loved ones, our family, friends, nature, and animals from a place of COMPASSION and GRATITUDE for all living things.
I’m a firm believer in “strength in numbers”. I KNOW there are a lot of people in every city and town across the country impacted by the negative effects of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE every day. Yet too few of these people are willing or unafraid to speak out against it.
How do we ignite the warrior spirit in others? How do we encourage others to step in line with us and fight the GIANT we call DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
It’s not easy. It’s not pretty. It’s not feminine or sexy to get into the trenches and unearth the reality and ugliness.
But if we remain afraid and too ashamed to “get dirty” or too afraid to be judged for being bold, outspoken, intense, and LOUD, we will NEVER SEE the change we wish to see in this world.
This is not a male issue or a female issue. This is a human issue…a relationship issue. And we’re failing in our society.
Why aren’t we demanding better from our friends, co-workers, and family members? Why do we make excuses for bad behavior or ignore bad behavior in others just because we THINK their bad behavior isn’t directly impacting our happiness? Or because we feel like hypocrites because we’re not perfectly SWEET and NICE to everyone all of the time either?
EVERY ACT OF GOODNESS and EVERY ACT OF CRUELTY in our society trickles down upon EACH of us. Right now, the cruelty is outweighing the goodness, and it’s time to make a shift.
Next month, I’m visiting the National Domestic Violence Hotline in hopes of learning more about what they do and how we can ALL become MORE involved in meeting their mission.
I have a BIG IDEA to share with the leaders at NDVH:
I’d like to see The Hotline create a LOVING KINDNESS project to spread love and peace.
#LOVINGKINDNESSPROJECT (Because every movement has a hashtag, right?)
To fight violence, we don’t need to use violence. The frequency and velocity of spreading goodness MUST be faster and more powerful than that of the violence we wish to eradicate. It’s time we tipped the scales BACK TO GOOD, while simultaneously saving lives and increasing awareness and resources for victims and survivors.
What’s a LOVING KINDNESS project going to look like? I have no clue! I’m just going to stay in action and keep my ears, heart, and mind open to the answers.
Will you join me?
If you have a FABULOUS IDEA to share with me or The Hotline, complete this survey. I plan to share all feedback next month during my visit to Austin.
In the meantime, send PEACE to all those you love, be GRATEFUL for the air you breathe, and show yourself more COMPASSION every day!
And if you’re looking for a SAFE and SIMPLE solution to freeing your energy from the ENERGY VAMPIRES and EVIL DOERS in your life, access my FREE ACTIVATE YOUR ENERGY TOOLKIT today!
DISCLAIMER: Although the author often uses gender-specific pronouns in her writing, she does not believe personality disorders, such as narcissism or sociopathy, are exclusive to any one gender. Sometimes it's just easier to write from her personal experiences. Thank you for your understanding.
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