What I’m about to propose is not for the faint of heart. Many of you aren’t going to like or take kindly to what I’m about to propose, because what I’m about to propose requires you to surrender and dig deeper for more courage, to be even more vulnerable, and to become even more uncomfortable with your introspection.
Until you FULLY ACCEPT you were once a victim, you will continue to be victimized.
True story…and it sucks!
>> Your ego doesn’t want to admit someone was able to pull a fast one on you, right?
>> You’re too smart to be conned, right?
>> You’re stronger than that punch to the gut. You heal pretty fast, right?
>> You’re a fighter. You’re a warrior. You can suck it up and move on.
>> You’re NOT a victim and never were, right?
>> Yet you’re still battling the same demons months and years later.
I hate to break it to you, but EVERYONE is a candidate for being a victim. EVERYONE! No one is immune from being targeted by someone’s con, be it business, politics, romantic relationships, etc. We ALL are vulnerable to attack.
This doesn’t mean we’re weak or stupid. It means we’re humans taking chances every day that the person or business with whom we choose to associate is moving from a place of integrity and grace. Unfortunately, that is NOT always the case. Sometimes, even after careful assessment and decision making, we choose poorly…through no fault of our own.
And then we wake up in the aftermath and say, “Ha! They thought they got me. They didn’t. I survived!”
Is this true RESILIENCY or is this AVOIDANCE and DENIAL?
I spent two decades thinking I was stronger, smarter, and ABOVE all those OTHER people out their crying victim. I foolishly considered myself lucky and somehow more evolved. Experiencing trauma was a piece of cake for me! Who said I had to be negatively affected? I powered through. My will was strong…yes, it was…but my body and mind knew better. They weren’t fooled, because I kept falling into the same unhealthy patterns but with different people in different places. I took on unhealthy habits and wasted time trying in vain to break those unhealthy habits when what I should have been tackling first was my avoidance and denial that I WAS A VICTIM of my past abuse.
If you keep “surviving” the same abuse and con over and over again but just with different villains in the lead role, you’re not demonstrating resiliency. You’re demonstrating avoidance and denial.
What are you avoiding and denying?
You’re avoiding the reality that you’re human and denying someone overtook you and knocked you down.
When you stop avoiding and denying and instead acknowledge the TRUTH, you open yourself up to an opportunity to change and THRIVE, not just survive.
When you’re humble enough to admit defeat and admit YOU WERE SOMEONE’S VICTIM, you transmute the victim energy away from martyr or tyrant energy and become the VICTOR!
As a true victor,
>> You’re no longer motivated to seek revenge on the ones who wronged you. (Which only serves to open the door for new abusers to enter your life.)
>> You no longer make false claims of forgiveness. (Yes, you did that. Don’t lie to yourself.)
>> You no longer ask for help from others, only to end up demonizing the people you sought to help you. (This scenario plays out over and over again in support groups and with 1:1 interactions between survivors.)
>> You no longer have to fight to feel and seem stronger than you are. (Again, this opens the door for a repeat of a challenging experience from your past.)
>> And you no longer have to fear your choices. (Which only serves to isolate you from better choices.)
When you’re honest with yourself and everyone else about being targeted, you magically start trusting yourself to make better and more discerning choices in the future about EVERYTHING!
There is no shame in saying, “I made a poor choice. I was harmed in this situation. I WAS A VICTIM!”
Just be certain you don’t wallow in victimhood.
Instead, promise yourself this:
“I’m ready to do the hard, internal work so something like this or worse doesn’t happen again. I’ll remain humble. When I seek the advice of others, I’ll take what serves me and graciously thank them for their help and support.”
When you make this promise, people show up to assist and guide you, rather than enable and perpetuate your codependent tendencies. You discover new friends, new teachers, new thoughts, and new ideas leading you out of your comfort zone and into greater joy and peace.
Are you ready to test this out for yourself?
If so, start by either writing down or saying allowed the following:
“Yesterday, I was a victim. Today, I’m a victor.”
Then choose to do something for yourself you’ve been longing to do for yourself for a long, long time but either didn’t have the energy to do or didn’t trust yourself to enjoy doing it!
Live, laugh, and be victorious!
DISCLAIMER: Although the author often uses gender-specific pronouns in her writing, she does not believe personality disorders, such as narcissism or sociopathy, are exclusive to any one gender. Sometimes it's just easier to write from her personal experiences. Thank you for your understanding.