When trying to understand a sociopath and how a sociopath will react to you and any attempts you make to seek justice or revenge, you MUST remember two very important facts:
1. Sociopaths are not connected intimately to a spiritual core.
2. Sociopath’s are unable to empathize or be guided by a conscience.
Why are these facts important to remember?
As empathic and spiritual people, we react to life and loss with feelings and deep emotions:
>> We wonder how what we did today will affect us negatively or positively in the future.
>> We consider how our choices will impact others in negative or positive ways.
>> We worry about the possibility of making the wrong choices in life that could potentially cause harm to ourselves and others.
>> More importantly, our conscience reminds us that our existence, choices and actions affect others and that we must be careful and thoughtful in our decision-making processes or else hurt another unintentionally.
The last thing we ever want to be accused of is hurting another person, right? It stings deep through to our core when we discover we’ve been careless with another’s heart and trust.
A Sociopath doesn’t have that conscience, that little voice warning him/her that what s/he is about to do could hurt someone. And the sociopath certainly doesn’t have that little voice that makes him/her feel guilty for hurting you once you express to him/her that s/he hurt you!
So a conscience doesn’t just work in one direction. It’s cyclical and holistic and surrounds our core. It protects us and others from potential harm, because it keeps us ever-mindful of the importance of using care in making decisions involving ourselves and other living creatures.
But sometimes we ignore our conscience. Sometimes, in the case of being spiritually, physically and emotionally abused by another, our conscience malfunctions and we are instead guided by our anger and deep need to seek revenge and justice.
Is it the trauma effects that take over, clouding our judgement, our conscience and our ability to rationalize? More than likely, yes.
So the moment you feel the need to see the sociopath suffer in ways you have never wished another to suffer, that is your cue that you’ve been victimized/traumatized and you need the help of a licensed professional to guide you back to your conscience.
You cannot and should not act without your conscience being fully active, responsive and healthy.
Otherwise, you react in revenge mode, and you do not want to seek revenge on the sociopath; it will back fire.
The sociopath isn’t afraid of you and your emotions, because the sociopath has no emotional fears or connections, remember? A conscience provides us with those fears, and sociopaths do not have a conscience!
Without a conscience, the sociopath uses your emotions to control you further. (People with a healthy and active conscience just wouldn’t think to do such a thing. Instead, we’d recognize that person’s pain and seek to understand it and help relieve it, not exacerbate it!)
If you start throwing hateful accusations and names at the sociopath (like calling him a “sociopath”), the sociopath recognizes that your conscience is out to lunch, rendering you weak.
When your conscience is out to lunch, you open the door to the sociopath who will effortlessly turn your efforts to destroy him emotionally right back at you!
You bypassed your conscience. When you bypass your conscience, you are an easy target, and you will suffer every single time.
And the sociopath certainly isn’t afraid to hurt you. The sociopath will find joy in watching you collapse. The sociopath feeds off of your emotional weakness.
Therefore, we only end up hurting ourselves when we seek to hurt the sociopath, because the sociopath is spiritually empty. Nothing at the spiritual or emotional level affects or harms the sociopath.
So what should you do? How do you deal with never getting justice for all of the injustices inflicted upon you by the sociopath?
I believe you should always be true to your conscience. Always seek the path of least resistance when dealing with a sociopath in family and divorce court. Always approach negotiations in a reasonable, thoughtful and caring way.
Act as your conscience dictates, not in absence of your conscience.
Otherwise, no judge or mediator will understand or even care about your emotional claims of abuse and turmoil.
Once you enter a court of law, everything becomes black and white. How do you begin to explain the varying shades of abusers you experienced when you can’t measure or prove the abuse took place?
And don’t expect the courts to take you on your word when you make claims of being abused by the sociopath. The courts can only go on what they see and hear before them.
If you’re in the courtroom resisting and crying and spewing hate in the direction of the sociopath while the sociopath just stands there without reacting to you emotionally, that’s what the court will see.
And what is it that the court sees? How does the court interpret this behavior?
The court sees a hateful and verbally abusive person (YOU) who isn’t using care to express his/herself. The court sees a person acting without a conscience and without remorse for the consequences of his/her accusations. In stark contrast, the court see the emotionally empty sociopath as a controlled and reasonable person.
Who do you suspect the court will rule in favor of?
I realize this doesn’t seem fair, and it isn’t fair. Your life was ambushed by a conscienceless piece of trash who tried to strip you of your conscience.
And the sociopath nearly succeeded.
But instead of abandoning your conscience and getting angrier and angrier at the sociopath’s lack of a conscience and an ability to be a decent human being, imagine how unfair it would be not to have the gift of empathy and a conscience.
>> Imagine not caring if you harmed yourself or others.
>> Imagine how empty you would feel if your mind was only capable of understanding the material world before you.
>> Imagine being absolutely unable to see into your soul and into the infinite possibilities of a spiritual life filled with love, peace and joy?
That’s not living. If I recall correctly from my time in hell with the sociopath, that was dying.
(And Sociopaths don’t even know they’re dead. We should keep that our secret, huh?)
Never abandon your conscience and never seek revenge or wish harm to befall the sociopath. (After all, zombies and dead stuff cant feel pain, so why bother.)
Instead, focus on rebuilding your conscience and employing it to find peace and grow love as it was intended.
© 2013 Paula Carrasquillo and Paula’s Pontifications
(Image source: http://arkthefury.deviantart.com/art/guilty-conscience-183143181)