In the beginning during the idolization phase, everything you do and say is described by the sociopath as “amazing” and “genius” and “fantabulous!” He adores you and can’t imagine spending a night without you. You are the most beautiful woman he has every looked upon, touched and kissed. You don’t have sex; you make LOVE!! He can’t believe the time he wasted living without you. You’re a goddess.
Why does he say these things? Because you are all of those things, especially in the eyes of the sociopath who is just a dull blob of flesh next to your gloriousness. He sees it; he knows he pales in comparison. He tells you, because it’s the truth.
But you’re now scratching your head. You were under the impression sociopaths lie all the time. Well, they do lie all the time…about themselves and their feelings and their motives.
Luckily for us, sociopaths can’t create their own worlds without some truths. Unfortunately, the truths they use come from us. With our truth as the foundation of the relationship, the manipulation and mind games can begin.
(Remember, they NEED us; we do not need them.)
The sociopath doesn’t tell you these truths with the end goal to make you happy and fulfilled. He does it to make himself happy and fulfilled, because we reward him for rewarding us with such high praises.
It’s our natural default: when someone is nice to us, we’re nice in return.
Think about it—when was the last time you told someone to screw off when they complimented your appearance or your job performance? More than likely, you said “Thank you” and provided them with a reciprocal compliment either on-the-spot or later when appropriate.
We remember niceties of people, because it feels good. And we always return the niceties, because we want others to feel good, too. We don’t do it to receive more niceties in return, which is what sets us apart from the sociopath.
The sociopath gives compliments with the great expectation of receiving compliments in return, a purely selfish and malignant mindset.
A great way to test what I propose is to think back (or in the present if you’re still engaged with a sociopath) to the last time you failed to return a compliment or even slightly criticized the sociopath.
How did he/she react? Probably with something like this:
“How can you be so cruel?! How could you say such means things to me when all I do is love you so much?” (And all you said was that you were tired of his choice of restaurants and you wanted to try something new.)
Regardless of the context of the present conversation or situation, the sociopath told you last week how beautiful you looked in that dress you wore to work, and you better not disagree or misbehave. If you fail to comply or insist on arguing, you are a selfish and heartless whore!
(Oy vey! Holy hell! Squat on the Buddha!)
And the hate-filled rages only get worse the longer you hang around. The first few times you might feel guilty that he got so hurt by a simple comment you made. You try rephrasing and even prefacing your comments with, “I don’t think you’re 100% wrong, and I don’t dislike it completely but…”
(This is called walking on eggshells. Dammit! You should be able to have an opinion about something and feel safe expressing that opinion without feeling like you’ll be instantly attacked and diminished.)
Sociopaths think the kind of love and praise they give to you is carte blanche for them to behave in any way they wish to behave. They keep a running tally of all of the things they did for you “out of the goodness of their hearts.” Since they tell you they love you and think you’re perfect, they expect you to be okay with anything and everything they ask of you.
It’s as if we’re just stupid and lost puppies stumbling around waiting for praise and food all of the time. As if we completely depend on the sociopath for all of our needs. As if all we live for is to kiss his ass and give him some ass. As if we need him in order for our lives to run smoothly and without interference, like a finely-tuned Swiss watch.
(And that’s exactly how the sociopath wants us to be. Completely dependent. But that’s simply delusional!)
And once we start displaying any kind of disobedient behavior, like expressing ourselves, the praise and adoration stops. We’re put in the proverbial doghouse indefinitely. The sociopath withholds those praises like a dog owner withholds biscuits and treats until the dog “learns” to behave better (a.k.a. listens and obeys its master.)
I have a mind. You have a mind. Our minds are our masters, not the sociopath or any other human on the planet.
The sociopath entertains himself daily performing in his one-man show. We’re just his props; he honestly believes that he is the only one that matters.To the sociopath, we are nothing unless we comply. We’re “dead to him” if we continue to “selfishly” insist on using our minds willfully and outside of his little world.
Can you imagine a cluster of these fools in the same room together? We should organize a fake event and send them all an invitation. Let them be our puppets while we sit back and take pictures and video. What do you think would happen? (Bahaha! I know. Wishful thinking, huh?)
(Image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/79024168432465186/)